Losing custody is arguably every parent’s worst fear when they start contemplating divorce or a breakup. They have heard stories of vindictive exes interfering in parent-child relationships. Especially when an adult has not acted as a primary caregiver, they may fear the possibility of losing their bond with their children because of the end of a romantic relationship.
That is a legitimate concern, but the likelihood of a sole custody arrangement is relatively low. Provided that both parents request parental rights and responsibilities, the courts typically try to help keep them both actively involved with their children. One parent seeking sole custody with the intention of cutting the other out of the lives of the children is unlikely to be a successful effort, unless the other parent at issue is unfit or is otherwise likely to harm their children.
The courts look at what the children need
The most important consideration in any contested custody case is meeting the needs of the children and acting in their best interests. Most judges approach custody matters with an assumption that parents sharing parenting time and decision-making authority is likely to be the best outcome for the children in the family.
Sole custody is typically only established in one of two cases. The first is when parents reach a mutual agreement and one parent essentially gives up their right to parenting time. The other occurs in litigated cases but only in unusual circumstances. Parents pursuing sole custody generally need evidence that can convince a judge that such arrangements are in the best interests of the children.
That is a difficult standard to meet in many cases. Judges look at the totality of family circumstances carefully. Issues between the parents usually do not justify sole custody determinations. Judges need to believe that one parent presents a risk of harm to the children or is likely to neglect them.
Documentation of domestic violence, substance abuse or other concerning issues is typically necessary to convince a judge to grant one parent sole custody and limit the other to visitation. Verbal accusations made by one parent rarely result in judges eliminating the parenting time of the other parent in the family.
So long as parents stand up for their relationships with their children, they can generally expect to receive at least some parenting time based on what a judge believes might be best for the kids. Understanding the best interests standard and common custody outcomes can help parents prepare themselves for the process ahead. Seeking shared custody may mean that it takes a bit longer to resolve custody matters but can ultimately result in better arrangements for most families.
